#despite him being exponentially younger than a lot of the people he was ruling over; despite him having two three-year old sons and a

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

when i say f.a. 503 for dior was the absolute worst year of anybody's life, i'm not exaggerating in the least. like could there be more objectively traumatic experiences? of course. but the utter stress that overtakes me at just the thought of finding myself in his position? the fucking executive and administrative and directorial problems i would have to deal with? the number of things that would be dependent on me to sort out? the sheer responsibility that would suddenly be on my shoulders? quite frankly i'm in awe of him for willingly stepping up to the task at all, to say nothing of how well he handled it with all the odds against him

[softluci]

atla hcs

i’ve been thinking about this for a minute, and i wanna do a set of headcanons for how i think the brothers (and eventually the undateables) would feel about certain avatar: the last airbender characters, or something along those lines. i actually just wanted to talk about lucifer and azula, so everything else here is a bonus. this doesn’t matter, but for what it’s worth: wherever the mc pops up, they will be gn, enjoy!

also: this kinda goes without saying, but there are most definitely spoilers in here. for which seasons? i don’t remember, i watched this show when i was nine, but proceed with caution if you have yet to watch it.

lucifer

if it’s one thing you are not gonna play with him about, it is princess azula. this man is an azula supremacist, and while he might not say those words exactly, anyone would be able to tell that’s the case if they talked to him about the show for longer than two minutes. he actually wasn’t even interested in the show until azula showed up, and he will readily admit this to anyone who inquires about it. what makes it funny is the fact that her first appearance is literally, like, ten seconds, so that means he saw her and immediately knew she was the best, which, like—real recognize real. is he projecting? am i projecting? yes, no. in that order. shut up.

he actually almost couldn’t hide how proud he was when azula almost killed aang, this man is deranged. the same way he takes her wins personally, he takes every loss of hers personally as well, so when she lost that agni kai? 🚶‍♂️ 

the average azula enjoyer believes azula should get a redemption arc, lucifer believes azula should simply get whatever she wants, and the difference between those two things is striking.

average azula enjoyer: i believe azula deserves to heal and redeem herself. it isn’t fair that she was left with her tyrannical, abusive father during formative years of her childhood, with no one to help her or show her what it means to be good. she cannot be blamed for the way she turned out. it especially isn’t fair that she gets no redemption for evil things she did at age fourteen, for a year, while the entire show is iroh’s redemption arc, and he was doing evil for decades—he is literally called “the dragon of the west” because of it. additionally—

lucifer morningstar, resident azula supremacist: everything azula did, she was right to do, because i would’ve done the same. there was never a point at which she was wrong, it’s just unfortunate that nobody could keep up with her, her father included. the only reason why she ended up losing, ultimately, is because this is a children’s show, and good is supposed to win out. it was plot armor. if this were realistic, she would’ve beaten everyone—at the very least, she would’ve beaten zuko in the final agni kai, it’s just that he broke the rules and brought backup. at the time of the agni kai, she was literally the strongest firebender in the show. that’s actually the only part of this lucifer is right about, but you can’t tell him that.

if you ask him what his favorite quote in the show is, he’ll immediately say, “i can see your whole history in your eyes. you were born with nothing, so you’ve had to struggle, and connive, and claw your way to power. but true power? the divine right to rule? is something you’re born with.” and he will do it so well that it’ll give you the chills. 

in actuality, his favorite quote is, “i’d really rather our family physician look after little zuzu, if you don’t mind.” it’s just that it doesn’t have the same chilling effect as the first one. 

does he like any other characters? does he even care about any other characters? he has a deep fondness for sokka because he reminds him of mammon.  yes, and they are katara and suki, with honorable mention to avatar kyoshi. 

does he hate any characters? no, but if you mention avatar kuruk or uncle iroh to him, he might get annoyed. is mildly frustrated by aang, but has the sense to cut him some slack for being twelve and the last of his kind. never speak of ozai.

mammon 

toph supremacist. frequent user of the phrase, “toph is just fucking class.” knows for a fact that toph is the best and strongest bender in the entire show, and no one has ever managed to convince him otherwise. mainly because nobody really disagrees. like, have you ever even seen toph slander?

just like lucifer with azula, he wasn’t invested in the show until toph showed up, which, once again, is funny, because technically her very first appearance is only a few seconds long, so that means he saw her for a literal second and just knew. you can’t even be mad at that, real recognize real. 

no one will ever see him more proud than when he’s talking about one toph beifong. he can’t get over her raw, unbridled talent, and he really never should. if you let him (so, if you’re levi), he will spend so much time analyzing her character and every single one of her strengths, from the fact that she’s the only one who knows when azula is lying, all the way down to the fact that even though she projects a tough persona, she can still be vulnerable, AND—

not only is she strong, but her personality is simply untouchable. this girl grows on literally everyone; like, even lucifer likes her, even though he’ll die before saying it out loud. 

he gets so smug whenever someone asks him who his favorite is and it’s because he knows his taste is top tier, and what makes it worse is that no one can even disagree because toph is just that good. 

will never admit it, but he was shaking and crying during the scene where it looked like toph and sokka were literally gonna die. was also gonna cry when toph almost drowned. basically: he is eternally grateful to suki. 

his favorite line in the entire show is, “i am the greatest earthbender in the world! don’t you two dunderheads ever forget it.” it’s just fucking class.

does he like any other characters? he sees himself in sokka, he’ll tell you that much. he also knows that satan and lucifer like sokka because of him, and he found out because he heard them talking about it. to their joint dismay, they turned to see him standing behind them, grinning like an idiot, and they couldn’t even scare him into leaving them alone when he hugged both of them at the same time because, one, they didn’t really want to, and two, they couldn’t turn off their fondness for him fast enough ^_^. did they reciprocate his hug? did they stay like that for a little bit? did lucifer kiss the tops of their heads? maybe so🤨

does he hate any characters? not really, but he doesn’t particularly like azula because she scares him and makes him sad, like lucifer and doesn’t see her appeal. once tried to make a case for why she shouldn’t have a redemption arc and felt painfully human from the way he almost died. do not mention toph’s parents to him. the name ozai should also never be on your tongue.

levi 

resident sokka enjoyer and suki appreciator. do not ever call sokka dumb in front of this man unless you want a proper lecture. unlike a few of his brothers, he doesn’t like sokka just because of his similarities to mammon. he also likes sokka because he relates to him on a personal level. 

levi absolutely knows what it’s like to feel inadequate and outshined by people younger than you. he absolutely knows what it’s like to feel like your competence is overlooked. while he might be unfamiliar with how it feels to strategize for a war and lose a battle, but it is one of his biggest fears and it absolutely crushed him to see sokka go through that. 

on a lighter note, levi has a deep appreciation for sokka’s comedic value, despite the fact that it can overshadow his intelligence. levi would actually venture to say that he likes sokka’s funnier side because it overshadows his intelligence to the point that it throws the opposition for a loop. this is the aspect of sokka that reminds him of mammon. 

it also seriously warmed his heart to see how everyone missed sokka while he was away for sword training; he especially liked that episode because it was just an affirmation of the fact that sokka is an integral part of team avatar, which he really needed to see. 

you know who else is an integral part of team avatar who needs to be recognized as such more often? suki. do you know how much pain levi is in every time he thinks about the lack of suki screentime . it’s a lot . suki is just too good for the amount of screentime she has, he’s sorry, but it’s true. this is evidenced by the scene of her literally running across prisoners’ heads to apprehend the warden of boiling rock. that scene speaks for itself—she and the other kyoshi warriors end up as zuko’s body guards for a reason. 

he will never let anyone forget that if it weren’t for suki, sokka would still be a misogynist. she was an essential element to sokka’s growth as a character and everyone had better remember it or so help him. also , he is a firm believer in the fact that suki was the best love interest for sokka, with zuko as a close second. don’t ask questions. rip yue but argue with the wall.

his favorite line in the series? 

“zuko’s gone crazy! i made a sand sculpture of suki, and he destroyed it! oh, and he’s attacking aang.” 

it’s not profound or cool or anything like that, but it makes him smile and giggle every time he thinks of it ^_^. 

does he like any other characters? he has a lot of love for toph and azula for the sole fact that the series improved exponentially after both of their introductions; he thinks both of them are in leagues of their own and seeing them in action just puts a smile on his face. he’s also inexplicably fond of king bumi. 

does he hate any characters? not particularly, actually! he pretty much respects and appreciates everyone, except the guy who mutilated his thirteen year old son for speaking out of turn.

satan 

just pick a girl. any girl. and from the way he talks about them, you’ll think they’re his favorite. he can and will go on about the girls of atla for the rest of eternity.

but since we’re being specific:

katara appreciator. azula enjoyer. basically, between him and lucifer, no tongue raised against azula shall prosper. he has a deep respect for each of their wraths. he also really must have a thing for angst because both of these characters just break his heart. 

if you let him (in other words, if you’re levi), he will go on about how it’s not fair that people call katara annoying when, in reality, she just hasn’t healed from the trauma of seeing her mother’s corpse at age eight, followed by having to take care of her village, meaning she got literally no time to grieve properly, and—

call katara annoying in front of him and you might actually have to meet god for your shallow views of such a deep, complex character. 

he will also go on and on about how katara would be the best bender in the show, if it weren’t for toph, who is untouchable. instead, he’ll talk about how katara almost killed pakku for being misogynistic and how she single handedly beat azula during sozin’s comet. you will frequently hear this man say, “katara aang’s master for a reason,” and he’s right. 

similar to if you call katara annoying, if you call azula scary in front of satan, he’s bullying you. he’s sorry, but it has to happen. no way you’re scared of a traumatized fourteen year old, what are you, eight? or do you have no understanding of azula’s depth? both are unacceptable. 

satan is the average azula enjoyer, times about seven. you simply won’t get away with speaking poorly of azula in front of this man, so if you’re like mammon and don’t like her, you better tread very carefully. 

one time mammon tried to be like, “azula is too far gone to deserve redemption anyways,” and satan literally reverted to his demon form as he said: “if i were abandoned with my terrible father as a child, with literally no one to help me, and then my friends betrayed me, and then, as i was about to be crowned ruler of my country, my dumb fucking idiot brother showed up with his dumb peasant friend for backup, which isn’t even allowed, i might be mad forever too, actually—” and then he threw the nearest chair at mammon for his criminally bad take.

another reason why satan loves azula so much is because he’s convinced she’s a lesbian and satan is the most “let’s go lesbians!!!” person you will ever meet. you actually can’t convince him that she isn’t a lesbian. forget chan. nobody gives a fuck about chan.

what’s his favorite line in the entire series? 

“trust me, zuko—it’s not going to be much of a match.” 

like, come on. katara is just too good. 

does he like any other characters (other than the girls of atla)? he’ll never admit it, but he has a lot of respect for sokka and a soft spot for him because he reminds him of mammon. he also has a lot of respect for aang because he reminds him of beel of how well he handled literally everything despite being twelve. 

does he hate any—yes. never speak of avatar roku. or iroh. or ozai. for good measure, don’t mention general zhao either. 

asmo 

what lucifer is to azula, asmo is to ty lee. like do i even have to say anything else. but for what it’s worth, he also love, love, loves azula because she reminds him of lucifer, from her strength and class, all the way down to her descent into madness. and even though she breaks his heart just as much as she does satan’s. he may or may not have cried over azula in satan’s room while they were talking about her. unlike lucifer and satan, he can respect it if you don’t like her, but it’ll make him so sad. 

but enough about azula. ty lee is where it’s at for him. her subtle strength and unwavering love is something to die for, and he will defend it against anyone, up to and including lucifer, and he’ll win too. asmo is not to be trifled with and neither is ty lee; he can make a strong argument as to why ty lee is the strongest character in the show, and you will have a very hard time trying to refute his points. (the main point being: it’ll be really hard to win a fight against someone who can paralyze you in a few seconds, bender or not.)

the fact that ty lee ran away from home because she was tired of the fact that nobody ever saw her as her own person is just something that tugs at asmo’s heartstrings. he thinks ty lee’s bravery is just something that can be so personal. 

also—he has a massive appreciation for the fact that, even though there’s a war going on and ty lee is in near-constant danger, she still has the sense to maintain her appearance and worry about the skincare of not just herself, but also people she’s close to. that is a detail he will never let anyone forget. 

never mentions it in front of lucifer but one of his favorite scenes is when she paralyzes azula to save mai. once again: ty lee’s bravery is just something that can be so personal. 

he doesn’t have a favorite line in the series, but his favorite exchange of dialogue is between ty lee and azula, wherein ty lee is trying to teach azula how to flirt. he thinks it’s the cutest thing in the world.

does he like any other characters? of course! he likes everyone ^_^ . you’d actually be hard pressed to find someone he hates. ozai. it’s ozai. he has a real soft spot for mai because she reminds him of belphie. something about their shared aversion to affection is just so cute to him!

beel

aang supremacist, will hold steadfast to the fact that aang is the best character in the show and you will struggle to figure out how to convince him otherwise. 

if you ask him why aang is his favorite, the first thing he will do is gesture to a picture of him and say, “look at the material,” like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, before diving into a ten minute in depth character analysis for this boy. 

come on. he shouldn’t even have to explain himself. not only is aang one of the strongest, most competent avatars to exist, ever, he also mastered all four elements in a year, when he was twelve—he’s literally a different breed. and he managed to beat ozai in his own way, without killing him, as a means of staying true to a culture that could have literally died with him at any point in the show. aang is just fucking class.

he also admires aang for his near unwavering kindness and lighthearted nature. and for never going berserk and killing everyone he sees, especially after finding out his people were killed while he was in ice.

you have no idea how much pain beel was in when he found out that the air nomads were just gone. seeing a child find out that not only their family is gone, but also the entirety of their people and culture, just absolutely broke his heart. and that guilt aang was feeling? hit way too close to home for him. 

he also thinks it’s really nice that aang was so quick to forgive zuko after everything, and the two of them ended up being really good friends. it just puts a smile on his face. 

after some reflection with levi, he would’ve liked to see the full scope of an airbender’s power in the series; as in, he would’ve liked to see someone suffocated, but it’s okay, because aang wasn’t like that.  and he heard it happens in the next series over.

anyway, beel’s favorite quote in the show...well, it isn’t really a quote, as much as it’s a dialogue between two characters. it’s the scene where toph asks, “do you really think friendships can last more than one lifetime?” and aang says, “i don’t see why not.” it could bring a tears to his eyes just thinking about it; and in the next series over when it’s proven to be true, he absolutely cried. 

does he like any other characters? he’s actually really fond of zuko and mai because they both remind him of belphie. he also likes sokka for the same reason lucifer and satan like sokka. he has a deep appreciation for katara because aang would literally be dead without if it weren’t for her.

does he hate any characters? well, he doesn’t really like azula. he feels bad for her, but he doesn’t like her. but as for who he hates? take a wild guess. 

belphie 

zuko makes him sob is his number one. yes zuko is his favorite because of his redemption arc, yes he sees himself in zuko, no he will not explain any further than that, what’s your point🤨

in actuality, he will never be able to properly articulate how important it is for him to see that redemption is, indeed, attainable, if you put the work in. in a similar vein, he will also never be able to give words to how important it is for him to see that forgiveness is also attainable.  it means the world to him. that is why it makes him cry. the feeling is overwhelming. i’m gonna cry if i think about it for too long.

he will cling to the fact that zuko is the best character in the show, and he will cling to it even when zuko embarrasses him by saying stupid shit like, “no lightning today?” and even when zuko is so awkward it causes him physical pain. that’s his number one and he’s not changing on it!

firm zukka supporter. will not argue. that’s all.

what’s his favorite line in the entire series? it’s one of the two you’re thinking of. make that decision for yourself.

does he like any other characters? he positively adores aang and will readily admit that it’s because he reminds him of beel. bonus points for aang because he also loves the dynamic between him and zuko. toph is a distant third, mainly because he just really likes her attitude. he looks at her and thinks, now this is someone who would not hesitate to kick lucifer’s ass. 

does he hate any characters? you better believe it. he hates iroh because he reminds him of dia. he can’t really bring himself to like azula because she makes him a different kind of sad. and if you know what’s good for you, you will never mention ozai. 

[jenivadiamonds]

The Impact of Sudden Unemployment

 Preface

           The past seven years of my life have been a roller coaster of events that culminated at the development and successful launch of The Exponentials an online magazine and editorial that concerns itself with raising awareness on the issues surrounding unemployment and the impacts it has on the individual and the society at large. After being fired from my teaching job I have had for almost seven years, I became depressed and wallowed in misery, shame that came with what I saw as my downfall. It was during these hard times that my mum and siblings stuck with me and helped me build a career from scratch, and I found the most beautiful thing “love”. This story however would not be complete nor fair without the mention of the input of my now husband Chike Austin, a stranger turned best friend; confidant and business partner who pushed me to look outside the realms of teaching and helped me in building this business idea to what it is today. Am also appreciative of second chances, that brought my life together once again.

The Impact of Sudden Unemployment

“I have lost my job.” Saying this loud to my sick mum Tessy sounded so alien. I felt ashamed and concerned at the same time about the possibility of the hard times ahead. No matter how casual the statement may sound, its impacts on an individual are immense and far reaching. Thousands of individuals, not just in the United States but globally, lose their source of income every day; this trend is not a preserve of underdeveloped nations rather also hugely affects an alarmingly high number of people in developed economies too. According to Marinescu Ioana (17), “the impacts of not having a stable source of income for a long time can be quite devastating - especially for individuals who have families, since their inability to provide spells doom for those who are dependent on the fired individual”. Losing my job had come as a shock not just to me and my colleagues at work, but also to my mum, who knew how much I was dedicated to my professional life. Prior to this I had the perception that the loss of a job came because of bad luck and lack of commitment on the part of the employee; but having to go through it gave me a new perspective on the issue; I no longer felt callous toward unemployed individuals.

The news had evidently hit my mother way harder than it hit me; I felt guilty. “What are we going to do,” my mum stammered amidst the uncontrollable tears running down our faces since I first broke the news. I will get another job; two, if I have to I replied, trying to mask the uncertainty that all of a sudden seemed so real. She looked so lost, I realize the situation was more serious than I really had thought it was. The look on her face said a lot of the deep thoughts that must have been razing through her mind at the time. She became really sick immediately I finished my highschool. She was beautiful with long dark hair and also very healthy looking, until suddenly from what we thought was a little fever to so many years later of a deteriorating illness. At the time, my elder sister was finishing from college, so I had to work as a teacher in a local elementary school, took care of our mum and also went to adult night school, so that my sister wouldn’t have to drop out to help at home. We had gone through our share of arguments and fights but never for once had I seen the defeated look she had at this moment. It broke my heart to see the worries in her eyes.  I saw the fear that everything might come crashing down at my feet, which was a scary thing to witness. I felt I understood am almost about to lose my mind just looking at my sick mother look defeated.

For over two years, the school I worked for has been laying off employees who were working in other locations that had been opened in various parts of the country as part of a long term-strategy to incorporate a lean workforce. This had been triggered by the decline in funds and incomes due to the economic crisis that was crippling the world economy. It was a little kept secret that the Education Ministry at the time was embezzling the money mapped out for developments and reconstruction, prior to the economic crisis and had even done worse under the new management that had taken over after the ousting of the previous management team. There had been hushed rumors among the workers that we all were in a sinking ship however none of us wished to resign just yet, hoping that things might turn around for the better and the downsizing would not affect the branch we were working in. When the downsizing at the office began with the firing of a few non-academic staffers, things began spiraling and going to work every day was like a game of Russian roulette. As I headed to work each morning, I kept wondering who would be let go that day or week. The impact of such a stressful work environment coupled with the uncertainty of whether you will be out of work tomorrow had taken a toll on the performance of the employees and within a few weeks there were reports of various complaints that had been filed by the parents and teachers as well. 

Over the course of my working and adult life I had not any bank loan and this gave me a relief that I might have it a little easier than some of my colleagues. The in-home lesson job I had taken up at few of my pupils house, had also aided me in clearing the student loan that I had accumulated over my days in college. As such in comparison to how bad some of my colleagues had it, I would argue that I had it a little bit easier. Additionally, I was lucky to have helped my dad complete the payment of the mortgage that we had taken on the family house. As such, this meant that my immediate concern was to ensure that I took care of my personal needs, my mum’s medical bills and most of the time daily meals for me and my younger ones. However, this was made more complicated by the lack of any meaning full savings and this meant that I had to find a job quickly. Despite all these concerns now I knew that the supplies that were already in the house and the few hundred dollars that I still had in my account would at least give me the start I needed. I decided to take a week off to get my thoughts straightened out before deciding on the next best course of action not just for me but for my family. Thinking about it now, I realize this decision was made of the shock that I was in at the time which could not allow me to plan my thoughts. at the time it seemed the most logical and reasoned thing to do.

As the week progressed, I did almost nothing to salvage myself from the situation that I had found myself in, except the effort to link up with some of my old friends and relations contacts, some of whom I had not seen or talked to in over three years. It was at this time that I got an interesting email from a long time contact I had been in contact with during my carefree days as a caterer, baker and home delivery cook. Beyond these futile attempts at getting over my now regularly grumbled mood and constant state of depression, I maintained my status as a passive sore unemployed loser. As the weeks rolled by depression was becoming more and more of a reality as households needs and bills began to pile each day. Things had gone from bad to worse; I had been out looking for menial jobs with no success and it was no secret that also things were getting bad at the home front. I would regularly get home, so tired from walking around or sitting at a place with a childhood friend who also had been ousted from his high paying job only to lose all his money, house, and family. This was where I was headed, I kept telling myself.

During this period, my mum kept urging me to revive my freelance translating career, though I knew it could pay, I somehow succeeded in putting it off for a long time. This was undoubtedly one of the lowest points of my life. I had fallen from a level where I was able to provide a comfortable life for my family to where I was depending on a few scraps here and there. It was however through him that I was finally able to get a breakthrough soon to receive an urgent translation order with an attractive pay. This opened a lot of doors not just in terms of opportunities to finally earn some cash and raise myself from what was evidently going to be a story of personal destruction. With a high level of expertise and long-term experience coupled by the urge to get things right, soon enough I had more than a few referrals from various parts of the world. With the high quality of writings, and even though the freelancing gig could provide a temporary reprieve from the lack of a way to provide for the basic needs in the home front, I fully realized that it would not go for long. 

Amid my adversities, I became acquainted with a client named Chike all the way from Africa. This client played an important role in my subsequent redemption from the low depths of life that I had resigned myself to. The name according to him was given to him by his grandmother based on the time he was born; which was the late evenings when the village goats were coming back from the grazing fields. Despite the huge and probably incomparable cultural and social circumstances and settings, which both of us had been born and raised, it was hard to imagine how he would have ended up being friends and playing a huge part in both of our futures. At first, he wanted a part of his novel to be translated and rectified in terms of subject verb agreements and all the rules of professional writing, (Carley, Micheal, and Phillipe Spapens), and I accepted his request for the same. After the first part was approved and the interest that the progress had raised in me, I was interested in asking him about the rest of the novel and whether it would need any type of help considering that the first part had been successfully published. 

After several days of correspondence, managing and working together on the book, we ended up becoming very good online friends. Just like me, he too was once unemployed and had taken up the gig of writing opinion editorials for some of the little-known online magazines and newspapers. With a common interest on the writing and publishing field for income, we continued to talk about the differences that existed between both countries in terms of job opportunities and the quality of life for citizens in our respective countries (Marinescu, Ioana, and Roland Rathelot). I soon introduced him to my mum and family, through video calls that were later to become a norm for a long time and he too introduced me to his family. It was a surprise to both of us that indeed there were various fundamental similarities that were apparent between both nations and the similarity in challenges facing people from developed countries such as our great USA countries. The challenges faced, the concerns used by lack of job opportunities, the impacts that this phenomenon uses not just on the individual and their family but on the nation was also a topic that never failed to come up every time we conversed.

It was during these kinds of conversation that my perspective on work changed, Chike had a very interesting view of how work should be viewed especially in the current technological world. Technology has exponentially grown to a point where an individual does not need to be at a locale to be part of a workforce. This has fundamentally hanged the concept of the workplace and the work setting through enabling individuals to work form any given place if they have access to the internet and a personal computer. Chike encouraged me to look for opportunities from diverse industries and areas other than just sending my credentials and applications to companies working within the Educational industry alone. This helped me a lot in quitting the mentality that has been commonly characterized by the saying that ‘The man is for work, not work for the man.” It was during this journey of self-discovery that I came to realize and discover what I truly wanted out of life both in a personal level and at a professional level. It was also during this time that I felt that I had the inspiration to identify my goals in life and consequently developed the plan to do so. 

           While this seems like fate, it was during one of our long conversations on life in Nigeria and the United States that the idea of developing an online magazine and platform was born. At first, we intended that the site would cater for the professional unemployed individuals all over the world could post online jobs and share experiences was born. This however was just but an idea and we knew that making it a reality would not only be challenging but would require a substantial amount of financial backing, money which at the time we did not have. First, it would be important to do the necessary research and get all the legal documentation ready not just in the US but also back in Nigeria. While I was preparing myself in the US, I was surprised two-days later when Chike got in touch saying that his part in the Nigerian capital had been complete. It came as surprise only to learn that most if the regulations covering the use and ownership of most sites in the nation were not under any sort of regularized framework. While this was a shock it also was an advantage not just to us but it meant a lot more people in and around the nation would easily access the site. Chike, my soon to be business partner, planned and flew to the US and stayed with us for a few months before moving out to his own apartment.

Life was beginning to take a good shape, and I felt that I was finally doing something that was not only fulfilling but had the potential to really take off and earn me and my family a comfortable lifestyle. At this point my mum had started recovering, she had seen me through the worst part of my lowest points in life and now I could see a spark of light at the end of a long and dark tunnel. I soon visited the bank and after asking for loans from close friends and confidants, who still had trust in me, we were able to fully fund the development of an operational online magazine and editorial that also supported the posting of various jobs at a fee. Within a year from the date the site went live, traffic had grown substantially and soon we had to move from the garage office that we were occupying and rented a bigger office space. The journey to where we were at that time had been full of ups and downs but we had finally managed to capture a small but important piece of the online magazine market with significant income. Sometimes, I am surprised that I can still identify myself with my old self before I lost my job, despite the life changing experience I went through. However, I believe this can be attributed to the strong and sometimes commanding nature of the people who were able to guide and push me during the lowest points of life when I thought I would never again be able to provide for my family. The role of Chike and his family towards the successful redemption and bounce back cannot be understated; as I look at my family now, and the smiles they have I know we will be able to overcome anything together.

After two years of starting our business, Chike and I started dating. Although I knew I had a thing for him through all the years of being two unemployed online friends trying to make ends meet. A year after we went out the first time he proposed, and we later got married at the Notre Dame Catholic Church Houston, Texas. It was a glorious day in our lives, because I got to meet his mother, whole family and friends that flew in to be part of our beautiful day. Also if I must say, the life we are living now was of our own making. You have to get up and move on, life waits for no one. Do not procrastinate or feel defeated, you will get there, it might only take time. Our business is flourishing, so am grateful to God and the universe for bringing us together through unemployment. From my bad experience I got to be with someone I love and do something meaningful with my life again. According to (Margaret Linn, Richard Sandifer, Shayna Stein) on the article “Effects of unemployment on mental illness and physical health.” Our mental health has a lot to do with our emotional and physical health. We humans are relentless, we can do anything we set our minds to.

                        Work Cited

 Carley, Michael, and Phillipe Spapens. “Sharing the world: sustainable living and global equity in the 21st century”. Routledge, 2017.

Edward Moore, Kennedy. “The challenges before us”. Am Psychol. 1984 Jan;39(1):62–66. American Public Health Association. Web. June 13, 2019.

Margaret W., Linn, and Richard, Sandifer. Shayna, Stein., “Effects of unemployment on mental and physical health”. 75, 502-506. NCBI (May 1985). American Journal of Public Health. Web. June 13, 2019. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1646287/pdf/amjph00281-0056.pdf

Marinescu, Ioana, and Roland Rathelot. "Mismatch unemployment and the geography of job search." American Economic Journal: Macroeconomics 10.3 (2018): 42-70.

Marinescu, Ioana. "The general equilibrium impacts of unemployment insurance: Evidence from a large online job board." Journal of Public Economics 150 (2017): 14-29

[myaekingheart]

I had just about the most fucked up night’s sleep last night, so of course my dumb ass had fucked up dreams to match. 

For context, I fell asleep at 8pm which never happens, woke back up around 11pm, tried to fall back asleep for an hour before realizing it was useless, tossed and turned in misery and boredom on my phone with my fiance backed up against me on one side and my cat backed up against me on the other so I had damn near no room whatsoever, and then ultimately passed out again around 3am, was half-awake around 8am-ish, and then didn’t actually wake up and get out of bed until almost 1pm. 

Yeah. I’m screaming, too.

I can’t remember at what point in my broken sleep that any of these dreams happened, or between which intervals of waking up, so we’re just going to run with it.

The first was that I was in what was meant to be David Bowie’s house. It was a huge house, but not exactly fancy. If anything, it was kind of basic. Kind of reminded me of a childhood friend’s house from kindergarten back in, like, 2002. So just imagine what an ideal big suburban house looked like in 2002 and you’re pretty much there. The most striking part of the house, however, was the staircase. It was really wide and angled with large platforms at each turn. About halfway up there was a tall wall against the front of the house with a massive window and a fat windowsill the perfect size to sit on (though that wasn’t the primary function). And all along the stairwell, straight on the walls, were paintings that David Bowie had done himself. He wasn’t a spectacularly talented painter or anything but the audacity of just painting straight onto the bare white walls of what was likely a very expensive house was super ballsy. I remember I was on one of the platforms of the staircase, laying in what looked like a very cheap, very low-to-the-ground wooden bed. Like envision a homemade doll bed out of planks of wood but size enough for a human woman to fit (not that I’m very tall so it wasn’t even that long and I remember being a little scrunched up anyway). It had a thin little mattress and a thin white sheet that I was covered with, and I was trying to sleep. And David Bowie saw me and inspiration must have struck because he then began to paint me just like this on the wall that I was facing, on the right side of the large window. And again, he wasn’t a spectacularly talented painter so the little thing he did of me was not a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it looked kind of like the paintings I used to try to do when I was younger with shitty anatomy and wonky facial features. But he was so proud of it, I didn’t dare say anything to damper his happiness. The one thing I did question, however, was why it appeared like my head was poking out of both ends of the blanket. He went on to say that the one “head” was actually my head and the other “head” at where my feet ought to be was actually him trying to include my cat curled up at the end of the bed. Which made sense once I realized that the cat “head” had orange-y brown and white fur like Tex does in real life and my “head” had black hair. 

An interjection real quick just to say that the fact that Tex was laying at my feet in my dream is very accurate because when I woke up at, like, 1am, he was literally laying right between my calves so that I had absolutely zero leg room whatsoever. 

The second dream was the one that got me really upset and fucked up in the head. My fiance and I were in Walmart and we were accompanied by a girl who I knew back in elementary school. She looked exactly the same as she did back then, with long blonde hair down to her ass and bright blue eyes and a certain sense of confidence that was almost condescending. The background of this was that apparently my fiance and I were taking a crack at polyamory and she was the third in our relationship. She was, however, unfortunately extremely controlling. She took over the entire shopping trip and insisted that she control what we bought and what we were going to eat. Some of the contents i remember her grabbing were a plastic container of fresh, pre-cut mixed vegetables (I think it was probably carrots and kale and some other stuff, so basically like a salad mix), a tan cardboard container of a dozen frozen eggs, and clear goose milk in a very fancy glass bottle super similar to a bottle of Sheridan. My fiance went along with it, claiming that we needed to start eating healthier anyway, and he seemed relatively content with this girl’s new role in our life. I, however, was quickly spiraling. I began feeling as if my fiance liked this girl more than he liked me, or that he felt she was better for him than I was or something, and her outward, dominating nature not just in general but around him specifically was just really starting to rub me the wrong way. I started falling behind, dragging my feet through the store, I think I was also hugging the only thing I had a say in getting to my chest as if in an effort to keep my heart from breaking through my ribs and exploding across the fucking linoleum floor. At one point I’m pretty sure my fiance stopped and pulled me aside for a moment alone and asked me what my problem was, and I said something along the lines of this being a mistake and that “I’m too competitive to be in a polyamorous relationship” or something. He kind of expressed a sentiment along the lines of it being too late now or something, and I remember standing in the register line beside my fiance watching this woman ring up all of this stuff that I didn’t want nor was I going to eat and just kind of having an existential crisis about it all. I think at one point I even likened her to the personification of my eating disorder, in a way? Like her being super controlling and telling me what I was and wasn’t allowed to eat and making me feel like I was unworthy and unlovable and not good enough or something. Though there are aspects of the whole thing that don’t actually make any sense in the ED allegory but still, whatever. It was a thing.

Another interjection to note, though, that this also makes a bit of sense in terms of the eating stuff since my ED has been kicking my ass hardcore this week and especially last night because I skipped dinner so I was starving when I woke up in the middle of the night but wasn’t about to get up and get food despite the fact that all I had to eat yesterday was a handful of chocolate chip cookies and a goddamn fucking fruit cup. 

The third and final dream was luckily probably the most uplifting, especially after the polyamory thing. I was at a hotel with my parents, my fiance, and my mother in law. We were packing up to leave, so I remember going through the room and carrying things down to the truck and just the overall back and forth of it. And I remember the staircase up to our room reminded me of my university’s old student union--they had an outdoor staircase encased in brick with a large window that looked out to where the old union used to be. So I remember stopping for a minute there to look out this window and kind of reminisce for a second before going back up. I also remember grabbing my two childhood baby dolls from the nightstand by the bed (which is where I actually keep them in my own bedroom in real life) and thinking to myself that I needed to take extra care with packing them and ensure that I was putting them someplace that was not going to damage them. This was all very basic until I went back into the hotel lobby for another round but suddenly the method was different. The lobby was very big and everything was painted a dingy gray-tan and dark gray-brown and there was crunchy carpet and coffee-colored linoleum and warm aesthetic lighting shining on what looked like some sort of stage even though it was actually further into the ground instead of raised. And there was a winding, walled off ramp leading down toward the “stage” that was filled with a queue of people. The whole thing essentially reminded me of the former version of what is now the Epcot Experience building in Epcot, back when it was tan and kind of rundown and hosted like special booths for Food and Wine or guest services for annual passholders and shit like that. It just overall very much had the same sort of vibes, as well as the same feel as waiting in line for it’s a small world at Disney World just with the way the ramp lead down into the main attraction below. But anyway it turned out that now in order to get back up to my hotel room, I was going to have to wait in this line and brawl the other people there for permission or something? Though this rule also seemed to have zero effect whatsoever on my parents, my mother in law, or even my fiance. It seemed this was only applicable to me. I think I had just come back from standing in line and then going upstairs to cart more of our stuff to the car when I reentered then, and I had only really taken five minutes but in that span of time, the line had grown exponentially. There was also a gate now at the line’s entrance, and a perky blonde girl about my age was standing at a podium tracking everyone who stepped in line. I almost turned around and gave up because I didn’t think it was worth waiting in line, but the girl called me back over and encouraged me to get in line anyway. I walked up to the podium after someone else, who entered after telling her that their number was 17. I guess people had been assigned numbers before they got in line, maybe in an attempt to organize who was going to brawl who or something. Either way, it felt a lot like when you pull numbers at the deli or the DMV. So I walked up to the girl at the podium after the person in front of me was granted entrance and she asked me what my number was. I told her I didn’t have one. She said “Well, what number comes after 17?” and I hesitantly replied “Eighteen...?” which evidently was not the right answer as the girl then started exclaiming about “Why not one??? Why not one?!?!”, though not in an angry way but more like an “incredulous laughter, this is ridiculous” sort of way? And then there was a tanned guy in a neon t-shirt who was way too enthusiastic for his own good, and also kind of buff, who cut his way through the crowd and appeared next to the girl. I suppose he was maintaining the line and calling the next challengers up to the plate or something. He insisted that I was, in fact, number one and then grabbed my wrist and began weaving back through the crowd guiding me to the front of the line. We had to squeeze past a shit ton of people, some of which I remember being extremely fat and insistent on not making room for us to get past, until we reached the very front of the line. He placed me as the third person in line, behind an unidentifiable person in spot one and my best friend’s best friend in spot two. Standing behind me in spot four was my childhood best friend who seemed super confused as to what was going on. She kept looking at me like she was trying to understand a language she didn’t know. And the guy simply explained to her, and this was his exact quote, “Sometimes someone comes along who is faster and stronger.” And my childhood best friend just immediately went “Oh, it was [myaekingheart], wasn’t it?” as if now it all made perfect sense, like no wonder I was the one butting ahead in the line because I was apparently supreme and superior and so it made sense that I was given special treatment and allowed to skip the entire line, though this was not said in a condescending or rude or bothered manner but rather a simple show of ultimate comprehension. But really, the only reason I can think of for my actually getting brought to the front of the line was that I remember it was already nightfall out as we were packing up the car and my dad had mentioned something about needing to get this done quick so we could get a start on the drive back home and be back before it got too late because he had to be up at, like, 3am for work in the morning and I hated the thought of being the reason why he could get hurt at work the next day because of sleep deprivation because I was the one taking too damn long to get a job done. But, like, despite all of this, it was also kind of comforting/reassuring to hear this exchange between this guy and my childhood best friend about my being strong and supreme and shit, especially after the legitimate blow to my self esteem that the weird polyamory dream had on me. 

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog, Part Four: Chapters 93-99

Onward! Also, re-stating again--please don’t answer or clarify things that I put in here! If I want to know, I’ll look it up later, but chances are I do know and just didn’t mention it explicitly or forgot as I was typing. And there’s always the danger of spoiling something. I don’t want to deal with any of that. 

The Shadesmar Road Trip contines, we get the most heartwrenching flashback yet, Dalinar Does Not Deserve His Perfect Sons, we touch in again with an unexpected maybe-ally, Kal has a vision, Szeth plays a game, and turns out Azure, who I am in love with, gets seasick. 

We’re back to the Shadesmar Road Trip, this time with Adolin, who still feels like he’s in a nightmare. Adolin is upset that he never mastered the “sleep anywhere” strategy that soldiers are supposed to have, and thinks that Dalinar would have been able to do it. He’s also still thinking about how he killed Sadeas: 

Adolin thought again of the jolt he’d felt when ramming the dagger through Sadeas’s eye and into his brain. Satisfaction and shame. Strip away Adolin’s nobility, and what was left? A duelist when a world needed generals? A hothead who couldn’t even take an insult?  A murderer?

A good man, Adolin Kholin. Someone who cares about soldiers and horses and swords. Someone who is keeping literally everyone in this group moving and who notices when people are upset, even if they’re hiding it. Someone who is trying his best. 

He starts talking to the ghost-spren again, noting that she didn’t respond, but he usually talked to his sword without it responding, so...not that different, then. He falls into practicing a kata, one without needing a sword. Azure comes to join him, around halfway through; Kaladin joins as well. Zahel taught Adolin it--actually, Zahel definitely taught all three of them it. Azure asks where Adolin learned it, he says his swordmaster; she says the same. 

They don’t know it’s the same swordmaster, which is hilarious. 

Azure says she knows a way to get back. Her hair is back to black, and her scars seem to be fading. She says she used Cultivation’s Perpendicularity to get through them--it’s in the Horneaters’ Peaks. Supposedly, there’s another one, but it’s unpredictable and dangerous. 

Makes sense, given that Honor is, well, dead. Adolin says that Azure isn’t a Knight Radiant, and asks if she’s a herald, and she laughs, although her answer isn’t very convincing to Adolin and Kaladin. She notes that her sword doesn’t have a spren because it’s a pale copy of a Shardblade. Azure notes sheepishly that you’re supposed to look out for cryptics, but Pattern seems to take that as a compliment. 

And then there’s a loud screeching, and Azure’s like. Shit. Gotta move. 

We get a drawn page, about Vorin wines. It’s annotated again; apparently the writer has had milk more intoxicating than Pink wine, Auburn wine is closest to grape wines, Sapphire is made of fermented lavis and tastes most like whiskey, winespren are supposed to be rare and look like bubbles, but the writer sees them all the time, and their only note on Horneater lager is “responsible for that embarrassing tattoo of mine.” 

That’s incredible. 

Another flashback. To Dalinar, seven years ago, rifling through drawers looking for wine. He thinks people have taken it, but my money is on him having drank all of it again. He notes that he and Gavilar went on a hunt, found “those strange parshmen” and that Dalinar had felt like his old self--and that he hated his old self. 

He barely heard the rap on his door as he flung coats out of the wardrobe. When he looked over, he saw two youths standing there. His sons. Angerspren boiled around him. Her hair. Her judgmental eyes. How many lies about him had she stuffed into their heads?  “What?” Dalinar roared.  Adolin stood his ground. Almost seventeen now, fully a man. The other one, the invalid, cringed down. He looked younger than his...what....twelve years? Thirteen? 

he doesn’t even fucking use Renarin’s name or know his age. 

THE URGE TO PHYSICALLY MANIFEST ON ROSHAR AND FISTFIGHT THE BLACKTHORN INCREASES EXPONENTIALLY EVERY TIME HE MENTIONS RENARIN HOLY SHIT DALINAR DOES NOT DESERVE HIS PERFECT SONS

Fortunately, Adolin has his shit together enough to back-sass his drunk father. Dalinar yells both of them out of the room, and then collapses. 

A hand fell on his shoulder. “Father?”  “Adolin, so help me--” Still kneeling, Dalinar turned, then cut off. It wasn’t Adolin, but the other one. Renarin had returned, timid as always, his spectacled eyes wide and trembling. He held something out.  A small bottle. “I...” Renarin swallowed. “I got you one, with the spheres the king gave me. Because you always go through what you buy so quickly.”  Dalinar stared at that bottle of wine for an endless moment. “Gavilar hides the wine from me,’ he mumbled. “That’s why none is left. I...couldn’t possibly...have drunk it all....”  Renarin stepped in and hugged him. Dalinar flinched, bracing as if for a punch. The boy clung to him, not letting go.  “They talk about you,” Renarin said. “But they’re wrong. You just need to rest, after all the fighting you did. I know. And I miss her too.”  Dalinar licked his lips. “What did she tell you?” he said, voice ragged. “What did your mother say about me?”  “The only honest officer in the army,” Renarin said, “the honorable soldier. Noble, like the Heralds themselves. Our father. The greatest man in Alethkar.” 

First of all, a twelve-year-old is using his allowance to buy alcohol for his neglectful father who, most of the time, only calls him “the invalid.” 

That’s heartbreaking enough. And second, it shouldn’t be Renarin’s job to defend Dalinar! Dalinar is being a horrible father, to Renarin specifically, and dealing with that, rationalizing it--I think a lot of kids have done that, although not to the degree that Renarin has had to, and doing that--making excuses, even in your own head, for your parents and how their behavior hurts and breaks you--that’s exhausting, shattering, self-esteem-destroying work. I’ve done it, I know. 

Third of all, Evi never told the boys anything bad about Dalinar, and Dalinar flinches away from Renarin’s hug like he’s scared of affectionate contact, which also hurts. 

I’m not saying that Dalinar is a monster. In some ways, he is, but in this moment he’s more pathetic than anything else. But that doesn’t change the fact that my sympathy in this moment is with Renarin, a boy who literally used his allowance--given to him by his uncle because his own father is habitually too drunk to do it--to buy alcohol for his father. 

Hell, Dalinar gets angerspren looking at his sons. What Renarin is doing here is very, very brave. 

Oh, Almighty. Oh God. Oh God, please...I’ve started to hate my sons. Why hadn’t the boys learned how to hate him back? They should hate him. He deserved to be hated.  Please. Anything. I don’t know how to get free of this. Help me. Help me... Dalinar wept and clung to that youth, that child, as if he were the only real thing left in a world of shadows. 

At least he knows how utterly far this has gone, how desperate it really is. They haven’t learned to hate him because--despite their current self-esteem issues and doubts--they’re good men. 

But God, thinking about the way Renarin is making excuses for Dalinar to everybody in this scene hurts me. 

Epigraph, on Yelig-nar, the one that Aesudan has apparently bonded: 

Yelig-nar had great powers, perhaps the powers of all Surges compounded in one. He could transform any Voidbringer into an extremely dangerous enemy. Curiously, three legends I found mention swallowing a gemstone to engage this process. 

That explains why there was a crystal-like thing shining in Aesudan’s chest. She fuckin ate a crystal to get power from Yelig-nar. 

Over to Kal on what I will keep calling the Shadesmar Road Trip. Apparently the shrieks are coming from angerspren, and the pools that they are in the physical plane are just their drool. Kaladin admits that it’s probably his frustration that is drawing them. He also thinks, to himself, that he’s clinging to anger because it’s better than “the darkness.” 

Depression, anxiety, the thought that something bad is always around the corner. God, it’s a fucking mood. He’s trying so hard to avoid falling back into the numbness where he became someone he hated. Also, we get something interesting about Syl: 

“Where did you live? When you were young, on this side?”  “It was far to the west,” She said. “A grand city, ruled by honorspren! I didn’t like it, though. I wanted to travel, but Father kept me in the city, especially after...you know...”  “I’m not actually sure that I do.”  “I bonded a Knight Radiant. Haven’t I told you of him? I remember...” She closed her eyes as he walked, chin up, as if basking in a wind he could not feel. “I bonded him soon after I was born. He was an elderly man, kindly, but he did fight. In one battle. And he died...” 

Syl used to be the spren for another Radiant. She says that she lost herself when she lost him, but soon after that was the Recreance, and the fact that she didn’t have a bond meant that she survived. The Stormfather, thousands of years later, found her and took her home. 

Suddenly, how protective he is of her makes sense. He thought she died once, found her broken, tried to protect her. She left anyway, sneaking out of the city to go to the physical realm as a windspren. 

And then they find what they’re looking for--a lighthouse. 

Over to Navani! She says that every person brings their own chair as they meet for the first meeting of monarchs. Dalinar, apparently, just tried to bring a stool and she had to talk him out of it. He asked Navani to lead the meeting, and she’s worried about him. 

She’s also trying to convince him that Adolin and Elhokar escaped safe. Well. Adolin did. Oh, god, she just finished mourning Jasnah. Navani doesn’t deserve the news that Elhokar is dead. 

At least bridge four can always raise a mood: 

Bridge Four piled into the room after them. Many had brought simple seats, but the Herdazian had stumbled onto the lift with a chair so grand--inlaid with embroidered blue cloth and silver--it was almost a throne. 

FUCKING HELL LOPEN

Bridge Four had, characteristically, taken the news of their leader’s potential fall with laughter. Kaladin is tougher than a wind-tossed boulder, Brightness, Teft had told her. He survived Bridge Four, he survived the chasms, and he’ll survive this. 

I’m pretty sure Bridge Four is 99% positive Kaladin just. Can’t die. I mean, he was strung up in a highstorm, and that was only the tip of the iceberg of things that should have killed Kaladin Stormblessed. 

Also, we get that Bridge Four swaps the Honorblade between themselves to “be unpredictable.” I love them. 

JASNAH ACTUALLY DID BRING A FUCKING STOOL OH MY GOD WHY ARE SHE AND DALINAR  LIKE THIS

Ialai comes and doesn’t carry her own chair because fuck your Kholin rules. Who’s to bet that, like her husband before her, she is woefully incorrect about the genre of book she’s in? Petty Alethi politics don’t matter anymore. 

At least Amaram is off in Thaylenah. 

The Radiants--like the little Reshi who was currently outeating the Horneater bridgeman, almost as if it were a contest. 

Nice to see that Lift is here and in fine form. 

SEBARIAL AND PALOMA JUST DIDNT BRING CHAIRS AT ALL. Sebarial backsnarks Navani and she considers how utterly, utterly possible it would be to just fucking throw him off of Urithiru. 

Never change, Sebarial. 

We get that Navani’s mother probably had dementia of some sort--lucid on some days, not on others. 

Oh fuck, Ialai is talking. She’s like, wow, where should we invade first??? 

THE TIME FOR INVASION IS OVER, IALAI. FUCK OFF. 

And everyone just goes with it. Navani decides to start adjudicating tasks. The Azish viziers to give them codes of interaction and protocol to follow. The Thaylens to decide trade. The Alethi generals to help reclaim lands that are needed, and fortify existing settlements. Navani cuts off Ialai, who’s angling to talk about warmongering, to suggest concentrating on defenses; Dalinar agrees. 

Navani is thinking about she needs the Blackthorn and I’m just thinking--no. No, you don’t. You need Dalinar Kholin; you need the man who you fell in love with, you need the Bondsmith. 

You do not need the Blackthorn. 

Another epigraph: 

Of the Unmade, Sja-anat was most feared by the Radiants. They spoke intensively of her ability to corrupt spren, though only “lesser” spren--whatever that means.

Interesting. And yet, she tried to help them. Ask my son. What did she mean by that? Who is her son, who she was speaking about? 

(Please, as with all of my questions, don’t actually answer these) 

Kaladin is remembering again--some of the slaves who got caught as he was trying to lead them to freedom. Now,  in Shadesmar, he’s scouting ahead to see what’s in the lighthouse. Also, apparently what look like streamers in the physical realm with anticipationspren are, actually, tongues. Great. 

Well, Kal finds the lighthouse keeper--an old Shin man--and totally fails at staying stealthy. Pattern and Syl are chatting, bonding. 

“So,” Syl said, sitting on a rock nearby and swinging her legs. “I’ve always wondered. Does the world look weird to you, or normal?”  “Weird,” Pattern said. “Mmm. Same as for everyone.”  “I guess neither of us technically have eyes,” Syl said, leaning back and looking up at the glassy canopy of their tree-mushroom shelter. “We’re each a bit of power made manifest. We honorspren mimic Honor himself. You Cryptics mimic...weird stuff?”  “The fundamental underlying mathematics by which natural phenomena occur. Mmm. Truths that explain the fabric of existence.”  “Yeah. Weird stuff.” 

Adolin gives Shallan a backrub and she threatens to kill him if he stops. I’m...so glad that Adolin is canonically basically a cuddlebug. It’s so good. 

Shallan asks Adolin’s opinion of Azure and he gives a fucking opinion of her fashion sense i’m going to scream I love Adolin Kholin. He points out, though, that clothing says a lot about people, which he’s right about. Also I love that somehow the colors aren’t right for her skin, given where she comes from. I guess when every color gets super-saturated, matching subtle shades to your skin can get a bit difficult....

Shit. They found a corrupted gloryspren coming that way. 

The Shin man in the lighthouse thinks Kaladin’s come for a fortune, because this is the Rii oracle. Isn’t...isn’t Rii an Aon? Could that be related? I have no idea. What the fuck even is Shadesmar (I know what Shadesmar is don’t @ me) 

Anyway Kaladin touched a sphere full of light and “felt himself get carried away by the storm” so that’s great, thanks for that Kal. 

Back over to the gang running into a corrupted gloryspren. Oh, Sja-anat is talking through it!

The corrupted gloryspren landed on Shallan’s arm. Odium suspects that you survived, a voice said in her mind. That...that was the voice of the Unmade from the mirror. Sja-anat. He thinks something strange happened to the Oathgate because of our influence--we’ve never managed to Enlighten such powerful spren before. It’s believable that something odd might happen. I lied, and said I think you were sent far, far from the point of transfer.  He has minions in this realm, and they will be told to hunt you. So take care. Fortunately, he doesn’t know you’re a Lightweaver--he thinks you’re an Elsecaller for some reason.  I will do what I can, but I’m not sure he trusts me any longer. 

It seems like Sja-anat is really trying to help them. I like her more and more. Anyway, it also seems like Shallan’s Elsecaller ploy actually worked. Although more worryingly it means someone in Urithiru might be feeding information to Odium. 

I’m staring directly at Amaram, although I know that’s unlikely, but listen, I hate him. 

Kaladin sees Dalinar kneeling on the storm, with nine shadows around him, and knows that Dalinar is in huge danger. Shit. 

He sees a vaguely familiar city, with a wall and an ocean beyond, but it stops. Apparently, you can only see shit if you’re invested, and the “shin” man is, in fact, Selish; he says “merciful Domi.” 

Canned food exists in Shadesmar. I wonder--is it imported from Scadrial, or have other cultures picked it up? 

Adolin talks about Rathelas. 

“Rathalas was where my mother was killed,” Adolin said. “Assassinated by rebels. Her death drove my father into a fury. We almost lost him to the despair.” He shook his head, and Shallan rested her hand on his arm. “It’s...not a pleasant event to think about. Sadeas burned the city to the ground in retribution. My father gets a strange, distant expression whenever someone mentions Rathalas. I think he blames himself for not stopping Sadeas, even though he was mad with grief at the time, wounded and incoherent from an attempt on his own life.” 

Oh god I knew he didn’t know the truth but having it confirmed hurts even more. He thinks Sadeas gave the burn order. 

Anyway, the place Kaladin drew was Thaylen City. He thinks they could use it to get back. 

Fuck Amaram is in Thaylen City. 

Shit. 

Well, hopefully he’ll be gone by the time Kaladin and company get there, I say, knowing that’s almost certainly not going to happen and that Kaladin will interact with Amaram. 

I’m also realizing how many characters we don’t like or trust know the truth about Rathalas. Ialai almost certainly does. Navani does not. Amaram was there, so he does. If the wrong person tells Adolin about that---shit. That could be really bad. 

An interesting point from the Mythica: 

Sja-anat was often regarded as an individual, when others--like Moelach or Ashertmarn--were seen as forces. 

Explains why Sja-anat is the one making contact now. She can think for herself. 

Anyway, Szeth is heading out with some other Skybreaker squires. They’re having a test of martial competence. They’re...essentially going to be playing paintball. I’m going to shit. 

And Szeth is actually having fun, for once! I’m so glad. He deserves to have fun every once in a while. Although he immediately feels guilty for feeling happy. 

Nightblood has apparently forgotten that Denth--well, VaraTreledees--is dead. Then again, Nightblood’s grasp of death is...nebulous. 

Anyway, Szeth is just like. I’m the fucking assassin in white. I’m not losing this paintball game. 

Unfortunately, he’s the clear near-winner,  so they’re ganging up on him. Unfortunately, he over-exerted himself, and runs out of Stormlight and gets hit by like 60 pouches of color and then falls into the Purelake. 

He still won, though--because the rules say whoever has the least marks on their uniform wins, and his was washed off in the Purelake. 

NALE’S BACK!!!

He says that he’s going to tell them--all of them--the two “greatest secrets” he knows, before Szeth bonds his spren. 

We get a sketch of a mandra, which seems to be a huge beautiful eel-like beast of burden in Shadesmar. 

Another interesting tidbit, I think we have the spren who gives the Thrill: 

Nergaoul was known for driving forces into a battle rage, lending them great ferocity. Curiously, he did this to both sides of a conflict, Voidbringer and human. This seems common of less self-aware spren. 

Kaladin woke up last, which worries him--it’s a sign that he’s slipping back down, again. We get that the owners of the ship are called lightspren, but they’re commonly called Reachers, and look like humans with bronze skin. 

Syl actually--looks human, here. her dress is red, her hair is black,  and her skin is tan, like Kaladin’s. Kaladin is talking with Ico, the captain. 

Syl is pouting because they won’t let her ride one of the mandas that pull the ship. She’s very put out about this. 

“Horses are bad enough. I’m not about to get onto something that doesn’t even have legs.”  “Where’s your sense of adventure?”  “I dragged it out back and clubbed it senseless for getting me into the army.” 

Turns out her skin and hair are a Lightweaving, because she doesn’t want rumors of a travelling honorspren spreading,  so she’s hiding as human. 

Syl is still trying to matchmake Kaladin and Shallan. We also get a mention of Tarah, who we heard about in the first book, I think--here we get that she left Kaladin. 

Oh, Kal. 

Also, we get that Azure is completely awful on ships. 

Also, looks like the mandras might be related to the arrowhead spren that Shallan imitated as Swiftspren--she notes that she’s seen them around things that fly or are too big for their mass. Also they die too far from human population centers, and sometimes they “drop,” possibly into the Physical realm. 

I want to ride a mandra now, I’m with Syl. 

Shallan is also having trouble drawing, sometimes. That’s not good. 

“I had a splinter once,” Shallan noted. “It eventually got out of hand.”  “You...you did not just say that.” 

You can just feel Kaladin going through the stages of grief in response to that pun. 

Shallan says that Azure is interesting because she’s mysterious and Kaladin indignantly protests that he’s mysterious. Also Shallan’s comments on Azure are just a tad bi. 

Bi Shallan being canon is still the best thing. 

He notes that being around Shallan is nice, but not in the same way as either of the women he’s been in love with. it’s different. That bodes well for both my “Kaladin and Shallan have a mutually healthy and supportive friendship” and “please god no love triangle” desires. Unfortunately,  he praises her ability to repress things, which to him sounds wonderful, but... isn’t. Whoops, Kal, you fucked that one up.